Time Flies

I belong to a dwindling group: my husband and I have been married for more than 3 decades...yes, to each other. Within that group, we are even weirder because we'd rather be together doing nothing than doing most anything else with anyone else. We genuinely like each other. Okay, don't stop reading yet. Just give me a minute. I've been thinking about this a lot recently. We aren't unusual people, so how did we luck out?

Now, that's not saying we've always liked each other. We've been separated 2 or 3 times and I'm afraid our son would say we really never got along. But he only lived with us for about 20 years. During that time I spent a lot of time trying to "fix" him, while he hid from me. Mars and Venus? No, more like the Wicked Witch of the West and the Invisible Man. Scary. And painful for us all.

But when we spoke our vows, lo those many years ago, we didn't know the Parable of the Peas, only the Parable of the Candles.


During that wedding ceremony, we used the 2 burning tapers symbolizing our individual lives to light the over-sized, white pillar candle symbolizing our new life together... then proceeded to blow out the tapers. Big mistake. And a bad interpretation of marital unity. After all, marriage requires TWO separate individuals choosing, for some reason, to live together "til death do us part."

But marriage is better symbolized by the Pea Parable. (I've seen it with colored sand as well.) One holds a container of yellow peas while the other holds a container of green peas. Together, slowly and carefully so as not to lose a single pea, both pour their container into the larger, empty one, filling it. Both varieties are distinctly visible (no, you don't lose yourself) and yet both varieties blend together (risky business requiring trust and courage) within the constraints of the container (yep, who I am as an individual is affected by my marriage) to form something the two could never be separately. Is every pea visible all the time? No. Is every pea necessary for the resulting whole? Definitely.
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When my Honey and I renewed our vows a couple of years ago we made, besides pledging our troth" and all that jazz, some very specific vows based on our past life together. We promised not to "stand in the way of your pursuit of becoming all God intends for you...and to support your with all my heart as you seek to become fully alive." We also promised to "work toward our own dreams." We also promised that "only you will know the truest me." For all that has been, thanks. For all that will be, yes.



As long as I have breath in my body...