More Flame Fanning

   Now that we've mastered the tips (oh, sure) from the last post and included them in our daily routines, here are a few more tips for adding new spark to our relationships from the article from November 2010 Bottom Line by psychotherapist, Barton Goldsmith.

First three hints from the section called Classic Connection Builders:

Meet for lunch.

 Getting together in the middle of the workdays offers a different dimension to both your lives. Pack a picnic basket, brown-bag it or meet at a restaurant.

Make dinner together.

Food is sensual and preparing it together can be powerfully bonding. Then eat by candlelight.

Write your partner a thank-you note...

every time (oh dear) he/she does something special for you, no matter how small. As you are writing, allow yourself to feel deserving of admiration, and let your heart fill with gratitude for your lover.

   And here are the last two tips to fan those fires. From the section called Fast and Simple Adventures:

Schedule an"unplan" day.

Agree to get up on a weekend morning, and go somewhere neither of you has previously chosen. Get in the car, flip a coin, let it land on the local map and start driving in that direction. When you see something that looks interesting, stop and check it out. Have lunch, and decide whether to keep going or drive back.

Take a different route home. 

And finally:

Create an adoration list.

Ask your partner to write down seven (7) non-material things that would make him/her feel cherished by you, and make a similar list yourself. (The examples the author gives include being served breakfast in bed, going sailing together, celebrating the date of your first date and getting a back rub without expectations of anything in return.)

   So enjoy the process as you (and I) experiment with some of the above tips. I've found the ten second hug mentioned in the previous post o be extremely helpful in reconnecting with the Professor at the end of a long day. I'd love get feedback on how this post might have affected you. Or which one you have successfully tried.

Protect (or Ressurect) the Passion

   This morning as I reached inside the cupboard for my coffee mug, I noticed an article I had taped there over a year ago. It had struck me with such simple and practical relationship wisdom when I read it, so I had posted it inside the door of the kitchen cupboard I open most often.
   Unfortunately, I had stopped even seeing it. Perhaps being away for a week  made it visible to me again as I took down my mug. Who knows? But for whatever reason, I did notice it this morning.
   As I waited for the french press to work its magic, I re-read the 2-column article clipped from the November 2010, Bottom Line. Written by California-based psychotherapist, Barton Goldsmith, PhD who is also a syndicated columnist and radio host. This guy has also written books, which include Emotional Fitness for Intimacy: Sweeten & Deepen Your Love in Only 10 Minutes a Day. (Really?) Anyway you can read more about him on his website, www.BartonGoldsmith.com.

   The article, entitled The 5-Minute Marriage Makeover - Little Ways to Fall in Love Again, is divided into two sections:
 Classic Connections and Fast and Simple Adventures.
Thought I'd share a couple of the Classic Connections with you today, since I seem to remember the concepts I write down or illustrate more easily than those I hear or read. (And I'm certain the Professor would appreciate me remembering some of these considering he is a lark and I seem to be an owl.) So here goes:

Greet each other with a 10-second hug.

 A peck on the lips and a quick squeeze does not give you time to bond after you have been apart all day. Ten seconds is enough to get the attachment hormone oxytocin flowing in your system.

  Touch when you pass.

Make contact any time you pass each other in the house, whether with a sensual stroke along the small of the back or a quick high five.

Go to bed at the same time.

Even if one of you is a lark and the other an owl, don't miss out on the special connection of bedtime. Cuddle together in bed until the lark falls asleep---the the owl can get up and continue the evening.

 Leave each other love notes.

---on the refrigerator, on the bathroom mirror or in your partner's jacket pocket or workout bag.

   To get the next three tips in the Classic Connections part of the article and the 2 tips in the Fast and Simple Adventure part of the article, check back. I'll continue tomorrow. The "lark" is heading off to bed.