Get On With the Rescued Life

I navigated my childhood, a world ruled by a steroid-powered, asthmatic mother and an um-medicated, bi-polar father. by becoming adept at reading body language. Becoming invisible at the twitch of impending "Roid Rage" or keeping an encouraging expression in the face of manic rantings became  well-honed skills. At the ripe old age of 25 months, I was painfully aware of the dangerous atmosphere of my household. So my little sister's arrival as a helpless infant gave my life a higher purpose. It catapulted me into the role of mentor and defender of the weak.

I became adept at monitoring her growing abilities and taught her what my young mind saw as the skills necessary to succeed in our household. For example, as soon as I saw she could do it, I taught her how to grasp bars of confinement and climb out of her crib. Years later I taught her to drive, sharing with her the power of automotive escape. Most of her life I parented her as my own and was given positive reinforcement for being a thoughtful and loving sister. I honestly thought loving someone meant parenting them.

Childhood survival skills shape our lives. They can become the stick  driving us to success or the chains keeping us anchored to failure. My toxic combination of skills kept me imprisoned until my fifties: the habit of using the smallest body language cue to guide my responses, the necessity of being aware of and defending the weak even at my own peril and pattern of denying my own needs in order to meet the perceived needs of others. These skills were what made me a much-desired team member, who was incapable of defend herself while also being an incredibly arrogant, pushy person.

I was in my fifties before I realized my helpful demeanor actually belittled others. Talk about a wake up call with a slap in the face! The parenting I was lavishly doling out to others was really really something I was sorely lacking. I had to realize that I am the weak who needs to lean on the strength of God. And much to my surprise, the God position was already occupied by One stronger and kinder than I!  I needed to pay attention to internal cues for my own defects and quit taking the inventory of others. (Ouch!) And that I needed to get on with the business of actually living this rescued life I've been given. Quit the blaming and making excuses and let the adventure begin!